The Secret's Out

I've been an atheist officially for a few months now, but I've been keeping the fact that I'm no longer a Christian from my parents and sister for well over a year. Only a small group of people are aware of my unbelief. So imagine my surprise when I got this message from my sister on Facebook:

Yo. Brother. Why'd you join the rational thought @ ucsd club..? O.o It's pretty much an atheist club...

Someone added me to the Rational Thought @ UCSD group on Facebook a few days ago. I couldn't find any references to it on my personal page, so I assumed that no harm would be done. I don't know what the tip-off was exactly, but apparently I was wrong. After I read her message, I decided I had no choice but to tell her the truth.

[Sister's name],

I'm sorry. I've been wanting to tell you, mom and dad for a while, but I haven't been able to work up the courage to do it. I've been studying Christianity for a long time now, and after a while I just wasn't able to believe anymore. Given everything I know right now, atheism is the best stance for me to take. I'd like to ask that you not tell anyone for the time being, mom and dad included. It's important to me that I'm the one to tell them.

I want you to know that I love you, and that I'm still the same person you know and love, regardless of what I believe or don't believe.

If you'd like to talk more about this, I would be glad to set up a time and place to meet.

Love,

Tim

I don't know that I've ever been more anxious about anything in my life, but maybe I should consider this a blessing in disguise. Had she not found out, who knows how long I would have had to live while keeping this secret hidden. I guess I'll just have to see how things go. I'll update this post later once she responds.

Update: Here's her response:

Okay... I wont tell them. I love you too, and not any less, of course. ♥
im willing to talk if you want, but im fine with whatever you want/feel comfortable with.

Clearly I have the best sister ever.

Making Connections

I thought I'd give an update on how things are going on the school front. I've been attending Rational Thought @ UCSD's weekly "Rationally Speaking" meetings ever since this post, and I've met a lot of really nice, really smart people in the process. As I mentioned, they come from a variety of religious backgrounds and have expertise in many different areas, so it's interesting to get some other perspectives on atheism and rationality. Plus, those who weren't brought up in a religion can get new insight into the believer's mind from those who have. I've traded Twitter feeds with some of the RT members, and a couple have even linked to this blog, including Jonathan from Conversational Atheist. His site has a bunch of great articles and resources for talking with theists.

But the connections I've made aren't just limited to atheists. At RT's quarterly Ask an Atheist table (the same event that originally got me interested in the group) I met a guy named Neil. He's a Christian who preaches on campus now and then, and it turns out that he not only knows both of my parents, but actually converted my dad from Judaism to Christianity. I had heard my mom mention that she knew someone who preached at UCSD, but this comment never sank in until I met him. Although of course I see Neil's views as deeply misguided, he did seem like a sincere and kind person. Thankfully, he agreed to let me tell my family about my unbelief on my own time rather than tattling on me himself, so that's one potential disaster averted.

I'll be attending some additional RT events over the next two weeks. There's a talk on "Hate Speech in Religious Texts" on Thursday as part of the Hate-Free Campus Campaign. While the point of the meeting is to draw attention to intolerant verses in the Bible and Quran, in a way it's also meant as a criticism of the very idea of "hate speech." Really, all (legal) forms of speech should be allowed on campus, even those with hateful content. Following that is Atheism Awareness Week, five day's worth of events on the following topics:

• Monday: "What's an Atheist?"
• Tuesday: "Questioning Religion"
• Wednesday: "Improve Your Mental Health"
• Thursday: "Critical Thinking Workshop"
• Friday: "Parenting Beyond Belief"

I'll go to a few of these and write about it if anything of particular interest comes up. It's encouraging to be able to talk with friends about this stuff and not just read it from books and the Internet. The sense of community you get from spending time with like-minded people is certainly one of the reasons that religions are so successful, and in this regard it's great to see unbelievers follow suit.

A Quranic Interlude

While my main focus is generally on criticism of Christianity, I thought it might be interesting to pause for a moment and try something new. I helped the Rational Thought group find some of the verses in the Bible and the Quran that promote hatred or intolerance toward some specific group—gays, women, unbelievers, and so on. I'll be going into the awful passages in the Bible in some depth later on, but for now I'll just post some of the worst stuff I found in the Quran. There's plenty more where this came from, of course; this is just a small sample of the terrible things to be found in that book.

Anti-Women
Apparently women are only half as reliable as men, and women can be beaten if they disobey men.

• "And call two witness from among your men, two witnesses. And if two men be not at hand, then a man and two women, of such as ye approve as witnesses, so that if one erreth (through forgetfulness) the other will remember." (Surah 2:282)

• "Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them." (Surah 4:34)

Anti-Jews/Christians
Muslims who want to promote interfaith relations evidently haven't read their Quran:

• "O ye who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians for friends. They are friends one to another. He among you who taketh them for friends is (one) of them. Lo! Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk." (Surah 5:51)

Anti-Gay
It also condemns gay people. As a side note, "as no creature ever did before you" is a clear scientific error.

• "And Lot! (Remember) when he said unto his folk: Will ye commit abomination such as no creature ever did before you? Lo! ye come with lust unto men instead of women. Nay, but ye are wanton folk." (Surah 7:80-81)

Killing Unbelievers
The Quran makes many more explicit references to the punishment of nonbelievers than the Bible does.

• "They long that ye should disbelieve even as they disbelieve, that ye may be upon a level (with them). So choose not friends from them till they forsake their homes in the way of Allah; if they turn back (to enmity) then take them and kill them wherever ye find them, and choose no friend nor helper from among them…" (Surah 4:89)

• "Then, when the sacred months have passed, slay the idolaters wherever ye find them, and take them (captive), and besiege them, and prepare for them each ambush. But if they repent and establish worship and pay the poor-due, then leave their way free. Lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (Surah 9:5)

Unbelievers in Hell
It also tends to be almost gleefully detailed in its terrifying descriptions of hell.

• "Lo! Those who disbelieve Our revelations, We shall expose them to the Fire. As often as their skins are consumed We shall exchange them for fresh skins that they may taste the torment. Lo! Allah is ever Mighty, Wise." (Surah 4:56)

• "We have prepared for disbelievers Fire. Its tent encloseth them. If they ask for showers, they will be showered with water like to molten lead which burneth the faces. Calamitous the drink and ill the resting-place!" (Surah 18:29)

• "But as for those who disbelieve, garments of fire will be cut out for them; boiling fluid will be poured down on their heads, whereby that which is in their bellies, and their skins too, will be melted; and for them are hooked rods of iron. Whenever, in their anguish, they would go forth from thence they are driven back therein and (it is said unto them): Taste the doom of burning." (Surah 22:19-22)

By no means is the Quran a more intolerant book than the Bible in every category, though. For example, the gratuitously cruel punishment of stoning isn't mentioned even once. It denounces homosexuality, but doesn't call for killing gay people as the OT does. And although it does endorse slavery, it doesn't do so as heartily as the Bible. One could make an argument for either book being a greater source of evil teachings, but in the end it doesn't really matter. They both advocate despicable views, and no one should use either of them as the basis for their morality.

Hangin' with Dan

The Rational Thought group got a chance to talk with Dan Barker before his debate tonight with Dinesh D'Souza. He seems like a calm, laid-back and very intelligent guy. He spoke a bit quietly, but I think I could hear a hint of a Native American accent; until today I never knew that was part of his heritage.

I learned that this is Dan's eighty-seventh (!) public debate and his sixth with Dinesh. He said he spent about a month preparing for it, even going so far as to re-read Dinesh's book, What's So Great About Christianity, which is somewhat related to the debate topic of "Is Religion the Problem?" He said that when he's talked privately with Dinesh, he's fairly nice and definitely a true believer. Apparently Dinesh accepts evolution and condemns biblical literalism, and seems to believe in an eclectic mixture of Christian doctrines. From what I've seen of him previously, his debating style seems superficially cordial but unpleasantly slick.

Dan had some insightful things to say about the debating format as well. He said you could spend a lot of time preparing for debate, but you may use very little of that preparation if your opponent raises unexpected points. In terms of dealing with ad hominem attacks, he said one can tell the audience explicitly that the opponent can't counter the arguments, so he's making character attacks instead.

I got to hear a few funny debate stories as well. Dan mentioned a debate in which his opponent asked the audience to close their eyes and "feel the Holy Spirit" while he played three minutes of religious music. In response, Dan identified the patterns of notes within the piece of music and said that it was an arrangement that composers often use when they want to evoke strong emotions in the listeners. "It was a very pretty piece of music," he'd said, "but I didn't feel the Holy Spirit." I've heard plenty of appeals to emotion before, but never such a blatant and extended one in a debate setting.

The head of Rational Thought, Jonathan, also told a story about a debate he'd had where after a series of questions, he got his opponent to admit that he fully expected a scab on Jonathan's arm to be healed through the power of prayer. The opponent and several of his supporters prayed over the scab for a full minute, and when (surprise!) it failed to heal, the opponent said, "Well, does it at least feel any better?" After the debate he seemed bewildered that it hadn't worked, suggested it might get better in a day or two, and told Jonathan he'd keep praying for it.

We discussed free speech on college campuses, religion in politics and several other topics as well. It was a great experience overall. I wasn't planning to attend the debate due to a prior engagement, but now I think I will unless I get confirmation that it's being filmed.

Update: It was being filmed. I went anyway. Will comment later.

Coffee and Conversation, Meeting #1

The Coffee and Conversation meeting that I wrote about here went pretty well. There were about ten of us, from a variety of different religious backgrounds, including Jewish, Catholic, New Age, Jehovah's Witness, and non-religious. We discussed several topics related to atheism and skepticism, and they had brought along a couple of booklets: a Baloney Detection Kit (video covering part of it here) and a guide to How to Debate a Creationist. One person asked me what was keeping me from fully embracing the atheist position, and I couldn't give a very good answer. I think it's more my fear of the societal associations with the term than an actual difference in worldview. In other words, I'm pretty much an atheist and am just reluctant to admit it.

Toward the end of the discussion I mentioned my situation – the fact that I'm living with my Christian family, and that I'm really worried about how they'll react once I reveal my nonbelief to them. One of them gave me some very good advice: trying to go about it slowly, starting with a vague mention of doubts, will only make it more difficult. They would probably try to get me into some Christian counseling or something. Instead I break it to them all at once, possibly with a one-page written explanation of why I no longer believe.

Before I left they recommended I read books by Dawkins and Hitchens, and specifically Sam Harris' The End of Faith and Letter to a Christian Nation. Overall, the group confirmed my initial impression: they were intelligent, articulate, friendly and supportive. I definitely plan to attend meetings in the future.

Developments at UCSD

I have two quick things to talk about in terms of happenings at UCSD. First, on March 7, Dan Barker is debating Dinesh D'Souza on the question, "Is Religion the Problem?". Unfortunately, it's happening at exactly the same time as a club meeting of mine, and I probably won't be able to make it, but there's a fairly good chance it'll be filmed and uploaded to YouTube. I'll watch it and give my commentary if and when that happens. (My sister's Bible teacher also informed her of a creation-evolution debate supposedly happening at UCSD in April. I've searched online and can't find anything on it, so he may have been mistaken.)

Also! Rational Thought at UCSD put out an "Ask an Atheist" table on Library Walk today (ironically, with music from a worship concert blaring in the background). The booth was decorated with flyers asking good, provocative questions that I'm sure many theists wonder about (e.g. "What will you be thinking about on your deathbed?" and "Why be moral when no one is looking?"). I signed up for their e-mail list to get some information about upcoming events and such. I also asked one guy if he had any advice about "coming out" to my friends and family about my unbelief. He said he didn't have any experience with that, but he could probably put me in contact with someone who did. Overall, they seemed like a very intelligent, articulate and friendly bunch, and I wouldn't at all mind going to one of their meetings sometime.

Update: I got an invite to a "Coffee and Conversation" meeting on Monday at six. I'm generally very introverted when it comes to discussion groups, but I think I'll try it out. If anything comes of it, I'll write about it here.